“Who Loved Me”


To you, who has been strong. To you, who has made me strong. To you, who has been there, and who has loved me, and cared for me. You have stayed awake whole nights for me, listening to my stories about my crushes and my problems. You have stayed online the whole day, and supported me throughout.
You have made me what I am. I remember the instances, when you would suddenly stop coming online. And, for two-three days I would wait for just one message. I remember the times, when you would try to make me feel confident about myself, because I never was confident about what I used to be, what I used to do, and what consequences would there be. I remember the night you started telling me, that someone likes me. “Someone likes you so much that she can leave everything behind for you”, you kept on saying. And I kept on dismissing this saying, “How can someone like me? Even the people back at my home hate the fact that I exist”. But, you were stubborn. You were stubborn enough to make me think someone actually liked me. You humbugged me into thinking that I have qualities which people can fall for.
“She likes your candidness, and the way you speak, and the way you procrastinate like a sloth. Oh, and yes, she finds sloths cute. Now, cheer up, boy.”; you always made me feel special. You actually helped me regain my long lost self-confidence. You made me realize that, yes, I can be someone of great stature too.
And I remember the afternoon when you were like, “Dude, she’s literally craving for your presence around her. She thinks she loves you”. And I remember when I cross-examined you asking who she is, you said, “Shhh, it’s a secret. I’ll tell you later. She doesn’t want to reveal her identity right now. She’s having a bad phase”.
I remember whenever I used to tell you things which mattered then, your reply used to be, “Carpe Diem”. I remember when I used to get involved in deep talks with you late at night, you used to say “It’s not GTA you’re in, that you’ll type a cheatcode and get another life. Life’s one. Enjoy till the last breath. Don’t ruin your present thinking about the past and the future”.
I remember the rainy and misty morning before my final exams started. I had a fight with you. And I know you were hurt by each and every word that came out of my foul mouth. And exasperated you said, “I’m going, never to return”, when some curst words came to me involuntarily and I said, “Go away, never return. It won’t make a difference”.
And you kept your promise. You never returned. You never thought what would happen to me. You never thought what would happen to her, the girl who loved me.
Soon, I came to the conclusion that there was no one who loved me. The girl you kept on mentioning about, was actually an imaginary person which never existed. To my shock, I realized that the whole thing was a lie for a cause. You wanted me to be happy, and successful. You wanted me to believe in myself. You wanted me to feel that I am capable. You wanted me to adore myself. You wanted me to feel that I have good qualities in myself. You wanted me to fall in love with myself. You made me fall in love with myself. And then, you thought your need in my life was over, and hence, selflessly you left. You left never to return. You went away leaving me in tears, in regret, in remorse. I could never have thought you were a girl whom I could ever fall for. You are somewhat like John Keating in ‘Dead Poets Society’, in my life, making a difference. I don’t know where you are. I don’t know if you are. You have succeeded, girl. You have made me love myself. And also, you have made me fall for you.

Someone who still thinks you’ll return


The song you had sung for me, still tops my playlist. 

Watch the song video at http://youtu.be/8367ETnagHo


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